Parents Cafe » Child Development

Children need structure in their daily life

Alan — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 03:15:45 +0000

Parents of every generation since time began have probably felt that they are raising the most difficult children ever born. Parenthood is potentially the most rewarding job anyone could ever have, but it’s also the most challenging, and doing it right is never easy.

No simple directive has ever been discovered that covers all the bases, but if there is one word for parents to live by, and that word is consistency, especially when it comes to discipline.

One of the basic truths that has been discovered and rediscovered over time is that children need structure in their daily life, and that includes rules of conduct. In a world full of complexities and contradictions, a set of rules that are clearly defined and applicable to just about every circumstance is not just a good idea, it’s vital to a child’s welfare.

Unfortunately, it’s also the biggest challenge most parents face, even when they agree upon the ultimate goal. There are multiple factors involved, including the fact that more often than not (and whether they consciously admit it or not) Mom and Dad both want to be the ‘favorite’ parent. That’s a tendency of human nature, not just parenthood, but it can be disastrous when it comes to discipline.

Children are quite aware of this factor and they can use it to manipulate their parents unmercifully. If one parent punishes a child for certain behaviour and the other does not, it puts them both at risk of being ignored and/or tested to see how far they can be pushed before there are any negative consequences. It will also leave the child confused, resentful and far less willing to abide by any rules that either parent imposes.

Many parents have a problem with the ‘punishment’ part anyway. Neither wants to be the bad guy, and even worse, many just don’t want to deal with a tantrum so they overlook bad behaviour or use bribes to gain some peace and quiet. This is a temporary solution at best, and it’s setting both the parents and the child up for much bigger problems down the line.

When parents are divorced or separated the problem often grows exponentially. If they didn’t agree on how best to raise their child in the first place, the differences are compounded when the child spends time with one or the other, even more so if there is a new ‘parent figure’ involved in either or both of two different households.

Again, the key here is consistency. Above all, parents should agree on a standard of behaviour that is reasonable and makes sense to the child. They need to explain clearly what is required and why. That means discussing the situation with as much clarity as the child’s age and maturity permits, and adjusting the rules as warranted.

Finger pointing should be avoided at all costs; parents should never blame or show hostility for each other in the child’s presence. If discussion is needed (and it usually is) it should take place out of a child’s hearing, and when the child is present, he or she should be met by a united front so there’s no equivocation. If both parents have the child’s welfare at heart above all else, almost any problem can be met and dealt with in a firm and loving manner, and the child will be much happier for it.

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Kids and dolls

Alan — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 07:19:31 +0000

Playing with dolls is one of the favourite pastimes of the great majority of little girls, and has been for as long as records have been kept on the subject. Dolls are miniature humans, whether babies, adults or any stage in between, and the interaction with these pretend people is a source of great enjoyment as well as a valuable learning tool.

Beginning in infancy, dolls are a friendly comforting presence, and they help in developing coordination and grasping skills as well as providing sensory stimulation with different colours, textures and soft noises or music. Children begin playing made-believe as early as 11 or 12 months of age, and ‘pretend play’ is part of a healthy development.

Toddlers with a baby doll to carry or push in a toy stroller, put to bed, talk to and cuddle get some good practice in assuming roles and interacting with another child. They also begin developing the motor skills for a growing body, and social skills such as language and sharing.

Children imitate their parents as they learn, and little girls (and boys) will assume the role of parent with their baby doll, copying the actions of Mommy and Daddy in caring for, protecting, feeding, bathing and otherwise relating to the behaviour of adults.

Another important benefit of dolls and their accessories is the opportunity for children to create pretend scenarios based on actual events that may be stressful and even traumatic. They can write their own script, so to speak, and replay the event as often as necessary to make it less threatening and more understandable.

Overall, dolls are one of the best learning tools for youngsters to develop cognitive and social skills, language and conversation, and values such as discipline, cooperation and responsibility. Besides that, they provide many hours of fun for little girls – and little boys. Though dolls for boys are usually labelled ‘action figures’, the benefits are basically the same.

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ADHD is spreading like a wildfire

Alan — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 07:41:11 +0000

ADHD is a condition that some people would regard as a creation of the pharmaceutical industry. In 1985 the number of children diagnosed with ADHD was around half a million, 25 years later the number is around 7 million. The treatments for the condition are a big business and it seems that diets for children with the condition are about to become another business associated with it.

The consensus is that generally ADHD diets are not so effective in controlling a children’s behaviour but it is well known that there are certain foods that worsen the condition. Generally these foods that increase the child energy levels or even something that causes a minor allergic reaction in them. A recent call is being made for the European Union to ban certain food colourings which increase how hyperactive children are.

Junk food is also something that can exacerbate an ADHD problem, this includes fast food as well as ice cream, lollipops and chocolate. It is a good idea to avoid fizzy drinks such as Coca-Cola and stick with a drink such as water. Replacing these foods with vegetables and fruit is a good step and smoothies are something that children will enjoy as a replacement for soft drinks. Better yet parents can add ingredients that are healthy for their children to them and they will probably never know.

Adding omega-3 supplements to smoothies and including protein powder are a good way to increase the healthiness of a smoothie. Fish oil has also been shown to have benefits for mental health. Avoiding caffeinated drinks also means the children will get a good nights sleep and this will ensure they have better concentration during the day. There are plenty of guides on the Internet and in forums about which foods are beneficial to children with the condition.

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Virtual Learning Centre from Single Parent Action Network

Alan — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 11:05:27 +0000

Today the Single Parent Action Network known as SPAN announced that they will launch a new learning centre online for single parents to easily access. Available on teh website www.onespace.org.uk will be free courses designed to aid with life coaching, assertive training, and methods for finding work.

Development Director for SPAN, Simon Bates, stated that the virtual learning courses are designed to mirror the work of SPAN in Bristol by helping to offer support and help to single parents that need help learning to parent on their own.

He further explained that the objective of the Learning Centre is to help single parents feel empowered by accessing self-help support, information, education, and training in one single location to help keep single families from suffering and finding themselves in abusive situations or poverty.

The Virtual Learning Centre will also feature a new course to support people recovering from or experiencing domestic violence and an accredited course in parenting.

“Giving children the best start in life with early intervention and parenting support is a key element of our work,” confirms Bates. “We now anticipate the new Virtual Learning Centre will become a valuable tool to help single parents to gain the confidence they need, in order to take control of their lives.”

For more information please see: www.onespace.org.uk

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Using arts and crafts to bond with children

admin — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 11:45:51 +0000

The technological age sometimes feels as though it has made slaves of children and adults alike. Televisions, computers, mobile phones and video games have changed the way in which parents interact with their kids. As more time is spent in front of a digital screen of some description or another, it is important that parents realise the benefits of non-technological activities.

Arts and crafts, for example, can help parents bond with their children in a closer, more interactive manner, creating posters, badges, models, stickers, birthday cards and other such items, all in the name of love.

Whereas a typical Sunday afternoon might see dad on the couch watching football, mum on the phone to a friend and the kids in separate rooms playing computer games, arts and crafts can bring the whole family together. Unlike technology, arts and crafts can be enjoyed at very little cost.

Few items are required to get started. In fact, it is perfectly acceptable to use household waste (typically that which is destined for recycling) such as plastic bottles and cardboard boxes to produce creative works of art. One necessary purchase that is unlikely to be found amongst tins of beans and boxes of cereal, however, is glue – specifically PVA glue. Other items that can be purchased include matchsticks, glitter, pre-cut fabrics, tinsel, stars, stickers, feathers and buttons.

The best way to enjoy arts and crafts with all the family is to sit down at the dining room table, lay out the available materials and get to work creating something from imagination. There is certainly nothing wrong with gluing together random shapes of card and felt to produce something bizarre and imaginative; on the contrary, children tend to love doing this.

Alternatively, parents can attempt to structure arts and crafts sessions, setting fun yet challenging goals for each participant. Perhaps a time limit can be applied to certain tasks or individuals are given a specific quantity of materials to make a dinosaur, car, house or other such object. To further the bonding process, the entire family can contribute to the same creation; for example, everyone could work towards building a model space rocket, or a greeting card from all the family.

Arts and crafts endeavours can also be themed. During Halloween, for instance, the family could attempt to build a haunted house out of cardboard, yoghurt pots and other such items. At Christmas, arts and crafts can be used to great effect by making Christmas cards and decorations.

Whatever the task and however it is carried out, there is no doubt that arts and crafts can bring the whole family together. Putting technology to one side for an hour or two in order to take part in an arts and crafts session is well worth the effort.

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The driving force of fashion is childhood

Alan — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:44:45 +0000

University of Leicester research reveals brands and logos are highly important to some children, influenced by family attitudes, peer pressure and celebrity culture

A question has been asked that is sure to trigger hot debates; are children as young as five in danger of losing their childhoods due to being so driven by fashion and consumerism?

Jane Pilcher, a University of Leicester sociologist says that this isn’t necessarily so, and her latest research findings on both children and fashion were reported recently in ‘Childhood’, the international journal. Nevertheless, her findings do show that logos and brands are very important to some young children who are heavily influenced by peer pressure, celebrity culture and family attitudes.

The desire for certain logos and brands, especially where boys’ sportswear in concerned, has been graphically played out recently in the riots which spread across the UK, and looting was seen being carried out by very young children.

The research by Dr. Pilcher pre-dates the riots, and was unusual in that it studied the influence on fashion on those youngsters in the 5-12 age group. This research was co-funded by the Arts and Humanities Research Council and the Economic and Social Research Council, as part of the ongoing 5 year ‘Cultures of Consumption’ research programme.

Following the Bailey report, which is government backed and came out in June of this year, concerns were raised that young children were becoming increasingly like teenagers in both their behaviour and in the way that they are using fashion to create their identities.

While Dr Pilcher agrees there are worries surrounding children and fashion, she believes it would be unrealistic to expect the nature of childhood to stay the same when society itself is changing and becoming dominated by consumerism and the celebrity culture.

However, she believes that youngsters do remain children in many ways and are saved from turning prematurely into teenagers because of the greater controls and intervention exercised by their parents.

She argued: “I would emphasize that we should be looking at what parents buy for their children and the negotiations that take place round that consumption.

“Parents might give in and buy something they don’t necessarily approve of but they can place quite heavy restrictions as to where that item of clothing can be worn.

“For instance, the child might only be allowed to wear a glittery off-the-shoulder top in the safe, monitored environment of the school disco and not anywhere else.”

Dr Pilcher’s study, conducted with colleagues at the University of Leicester, found that even very young children have a great deal of knowledge about the clothing retail sector and they know exactly which shops will sell the kind of clothing they want.

She also found a strong association between family culture and the value children placed on brands and logos, citing two cases, ‘Robert’ and ‘Hayley’ (not their real names).

Robert came from a family where brands and designer fashions were valued, and he ‘name-dropped’ constantly about the brands of his clothes. Hayley, on the other hand, came from a family with little disposable income, where brands and logos were of so little importance that she had difficulty in understanding what the terms meant.

Parents, however, do not have it all their own way. Dr Pilcher commented: “There are a variety of fashion influences on children and you can’t ignore the pressures from their peer groups, especially friends of the same sex, and their ideas of what is cool.”

A further influence on young children is the celebrity culture, which they may wish to copy or they may reject. The skimpy clothing of singers Beyoncé and Kylie were not always admired by girls, who thought it was rude to show so much bare skin.

Is the dependence of young children on fashion a bad thing? Not necessarily, it seems. The acquisition of brands that are in vogue and therefore cool can give great pleasure and act as a bonding between peers in a group. For young people themselves, it is a matter of image rather than money.

Although consumer culture clearly has financial implications, many of the brands favoured by young people are available in high street stores very cheaply.

Children who do not participate in that culture, however, can be isolated from their peers in a form of social exclusion. This, Dr Pilcher says, is something to be borne in mind by teachers when considering school uniform policies and by parents doing battle with their children on the shop floor.

While the recent UK riots have been presented as an extreme form of consumerism, Dr Pilcher believes it is having a negative effect on the brand images targeted by rioters.

“The makers of those brands are now concerned because there is a damaging association in the public mind between the rioters and looters and their interest in those brands,” she said.

“What the disturbances have shown is that if the rioters are the type of people who want these brands and they are prepared to smash a window to get them, then perhaps the brands have become tainted.”

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Children’s behaviour varies as the develop

Alan — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 02:50:30 +0000

Children are able to pick up skills that help them with their interaction with other people and to communicate on an effective basis. They pick these skills up as they are developing and master them in a very quick time period.

You have probably noticed different behaviours at their different stages in developing. Sometimes the behaviours seem a bit out of control and you wonder about what you may do to change them. A five year olds temper tantrum may just be his way of learning how to manage his own anger.

Early in our life we learn anger management and it is one of our most important skills. If there are not alternative ways to let go of frustration and anger then it may appear in other ways as it is in the case of many children when a temper tantrum appears.

Generally a five year old will have good language skills and will manage their day to day relationships with their peers and other children quite well including with teachers or caregivers. But at times or at a certain point they may feel frustrated and feel they cannot deal with what is going on and this leads to their temper tantrum.

The situation can be resolved easily be sitting with them and asking them what is the reason for their frustration and you can work on it together with to help deal with their issues. Making their environment at home more positive helps tremendously to resolve temper tantrums in your child.

Play with your child, have fun with them, enjoy some quality time with them. Create routines and structures and try and maintain them. A child needs structure and a routine in order to feel happy and safe.

Also tell your child you love them and because it is very important they feel wanted. They need to feel a belonging and that there is a family unit. If you do not quickly gain control of your child’s tantrums then they could escalate into even worse fits of anger.

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Dealing with toddler tantrums

Alan — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 06:28:32 +0000

Every child at some point will go through toddler problems and for a parent they can be very testing times. All parents have gone through the shouting matches, the spats in public and other upsetting experiences. However many have gone through it and with there collective help and advise on how to discipline a toddler effectively and methods that can be used.

When a problem occurs it is first best not to forget that they are just a child. Therefore there are times or most times that logic and reason do not apply because the average two year old will not understand either one of them. Instead immediate action should be taken to jump to the heart of whatever the problem is.

Unfortunately temper tantrums are just part of growing up and you should not focus on being the strictest disciplinarian since they are just kids. When you understand that the toddler behavior problems simply is trying to test your boundaries and trying to become the center of attention, then you can realize that you should not react when they get angry.

If your child gets upset because you will not give them what they want, then when they cry you give in and give it to them, how are they going to learn that shouting and screaming is wrong.

In those situations you need to be strong and simply ignore their demands or actions. Do not give them any positive reinforcement when they act up, they will then understand that they cannot have everything they want and get it by screaming and kicking at you.

But on the other hand it is very important that you praise and give positive reinforcement when they act well so they will learn that acting in a sensible manner will be compensated. They love to be praised and they love to get treated positively when good so they will act more that way in order to receive what they are looking for.

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Security blankets are huge benefit to many children

Alan — Sat, 21 May 2011 12:10:34 +0000

Studies show that children attached to security blankets are also securely attached to mum and are psychologically healthy. These studies so that when the same children are in new or stressful situations that if they have a security blanket that have the ability to remain more calm than children without such an object. They also can socialize better learn and regulate their emotions better when that security blanket is present.

The mother of three daughters has recollections of her daughter’s connection to her “blankie” a gift from a family friend that was handmade, when her daughter was born. It was in the crib since she was a newborn and eventually she carried it wherever she went as a toddler. It was a real sense of security for her.

Dr. Lumeng says that studies of the attachments children have for their blankets have shown that it is the most intense from 18 to 24 months and declines from there. But at 36 months over 50% of the children still have an attachment to their blankets.

Also there is no particular age that is best for them to no longer maintain that attachment, with some even keeping it into their adolescence. In fact, there are adults that still have some type of attachment object hidden away in a trunk in the attic.

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TV is parent’s babysitter

Alan — Tue, 10 May 2011 15:35:10 +0000

Research in the UK suggests that more than 25% of parents that have young children use the TV as a babysitter. As part of the year of communication in the nation a full 70% of over 1,000 fathers and mothers that were polled say that allowing their children to view TV does not make them feel guilty. The poll also said that over 40% think the TV is a learning tool for their children.

But the experts are quick to point out that parents need to watch TV together with their children in order for it to be a good learning tool. They can strike up conversations and introduce words to them to learn.

Programmes should be watched by children that are appropriate and specifically designed for their age group. Half of the parents the study says allow their kids to watch inappropriate shows for their ages and that about 80% of the children watch at least two hours of TV daily while alone.

Only 15% of parents, when watching TV with their youngsters use the time to start conversations while 20% sit and watch in silence with their kids. As part of the national year of communication, the research has been published known as the Hello Campaign.

The research proves that parents are not suffering from lots of guilt but there are many areas that they could benefit from by receiving more advice and information. The national campaign will publish a plan that includes 10 points to help parents to use the TV as a way to communicate with their preschoolers. For more information you can go to their Hello Campaign website.

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